Thursday, May 2, 2013
Suicide Lifeline Customer service - LOL :)
Suicide Lifeline Customer service - LOL :)
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Funny X'mas story/joke...LOL :)
Funny X'mas story/joke...LOL :)
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him and He asked 'What do you want for Christmas?' 'Something for my mother, please,' replied the young lady sweetly. 'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What would you like me to bring her?' Without pausing, the lady answered quickly, 'A millionaire son-in-law.'
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him and He asked 'What do you want for Christmas?' 'Something for my mother, please,' replied the young lady sweetly. 'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What would you like me to bring her?' Without pausing, the lady answered quickly, 'A millionaire son-in-law.'
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs :)
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs :)
Though i don't agree with it fully, found it funny and may be true one way or the other :)
This is really funny - hi-tech and cowboy:)
This is really funny - hi-tech and cowboy:)
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you giv me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response..
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his
hi-tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says,"You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U..S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. .... ...
Now give me back my dog.
How to use Chopsticks - Enjoy and have a wonderful meal :)
Capitalism - Beautifully described.Funny and True :)
Capitalism - Beautifully described.Funny and True :)
Clinically proven Stress Test
Clinically proven Stress Test - Here is a very quick test to determine your stress level. Read the following description completely before looking at the picture.
The picture shown here was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary’s Hospital. Look at both Dolphins jumping out of the water.The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the Dolphins are identical,a person under stress would find differences between the two Dolphins. The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.
Look at the photograph, and if you find more than one or two differences, you may want to take a vacation or take a break.Now ,have a look at the picture again before reading more.
How did you do? Do you need a vacation??? Apparently I do!!!!
Hope you had a good laugh! On a serious note, laughter is a great way to reduce stress and boost immune function. Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, call a friend who makes you chuckle or head off for a comedy club. You’ll feel better for it!
Humorous recorded message on flight - This is really funny.Have a safe flight!!!!!!!
Humorous recorded message on flight - This is really funny.Have a safe flight!!!!!!!
British Airways"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London . We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic ." "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off." "If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean , you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."
Kid with Camel :)
I just love this cute photo and can't stop smiling whenever i look at this photo that I stumbled upon.The text from the photo says: Humour – is it species-related or culture related?
Anyone wants to bet on who's louder? Iam with the cute kid!!!!!!!!!
Laughter is the best medicine.Laugh like a child - A very happy children's day to all the kids and the young at heart.
Never Make a Woman Angry - An old Joke, but still makes me smile :)
Never Make a Woman Angry - An old Joke, but still makes me smile :)
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her, "Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosi", she replied.
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry. . . there will be Hell to pay!!!!!!!!!
NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed lung-disease
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).
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